lets be honest life sux sometimes

Yeah it's been awhile since I updated here...and oh boy do i have a dosy of an update......
So I'm going about my life working, taking care of my kids, taking pix. Thinking everything is really going good. Then Blam, life decides it's time to smack me upside the head & say ha ha time to turn your life upside down. I just found out yesterday that my mom has be diagnosed with cancer. I literally feel like I've ran right into a brick wall doing about 100mph! I wish I could just turn my emotions off right now. I don't want to think about what the days ahead hold in store for my family, especially my mom. My mom is my everything, she's always been there, even when we've fought she still was there for me. Now I'm trying to be strong for my mom, but I just want to cry & cry & cry. I want to curl up in my bed, pull the covers way up over my head. Go to sleep wake up & have everything the way it was before 8pm wed when I found out. I was out  work, I called my mom, she told me she had bad news & to call her when I got home. Well most of you know me & I know you can't tell me something like that & have me leave it alone til later. I told my mom no tell me now, I have 15 mins I'm on break. So she told me & all I could do is silently sob. I just felt my whole body freeze over. I remember thinking this can't be happening, maybe to someone else but not my family. Than I slowly started to realize what she had said. That she has cancer! I was shaking, with tears coming down my cheeks, thinking omg I could lose my mom. What I am going to do without my mom. I realize your parents are suppose to die before you but I just remember thinking I'm only 36, I'm not suppose to have to go through this at 36. Especially since my life has just been getting back into order the last year & half. Things were starting to look up, I could start to see a bright future.  I went back to work attempted to try to deal with work, I was doing an OK job, until my boss asked me have you been crying. Needless to say I totally lost it, the waterworks turned on & to say it out loud, just made it seem that much more real, & scary!  My boss being the awesome boss he is, let me go home early. I came home, & cried, I don't even remember going to sleep. I don't think I got much sleep if any last night. Today I have just felt like a zombie. It's so hard to believe still, I want to cry every time the thought even comes into my head that my mom has cancer. I just feel so numb, guess it's still sinking in.  I really just don't know right now.....

Time in a Bottle - Jim Croce
If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that Id like to do
Is to save every day
Till eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you

If I could make days last forever
If words could make wishes come true
Id save every day like a treasure and then,
Again, I would spend them with you

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
Ive looked around enough to know
That you're the one I want to go
Through time with

If I had a box just for wishes
And dreams  that had never come true
The box would be empty
Except for the memory
Of how they were answered by you

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
Ive looked around enough to know
That you're the one I want to go
Through time with