cinnamongurl22

OMG I can't believe how long it's been since I've been here. Good news is I do
have a new job!!! Some days I love it so much, other days, like today, I just wish it was time to go home. I don't really have anything to update.
Just working, working working & working some more.
I haven't done anything really artist in the longest time.
Only thing artist I've done is get some ink done. I love my tattoos!!!
Any who I'm on facebeook & myspace
much love to my dA family








MONDAY is not a good day......
To read entry follow the link starry-eyez.deviantart.com/jou…



The Photographers Rights as by Krages www.krages.com/phoright.htm
American Museum of Photography  www.photographymuseum.com

The world belongs to the daring ~ Anonymous~
A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults ~ Charles Kingsley

The Other Sides
~The Photos ~
~The Dark Side ~

Clubs I'm apart of~
,,,,,, , ,,, , , ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,patient no. 087 ,,,  

My Poetry & Prose ~ List of them on DA  
cinnamongurl22.deviantart.com/…

To read this entry go here starry-eyez.deviantart.com/jou…



The Photographers Rights as by Krages www.krages.com/phoright.htm
American Museum of Photography  www.photographymuseum.com

The world belongs to the daring ~ Anonymous~
A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults ~ Charles Kingsley

The Other Sides
~The Photos ~
~The Dark Side ~

Clubs I'm apart of~
,,,,,, , ,,, , , ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,patient no. 087 ,,,  

My Poetry & Prose ~ List of them on DA  
cinnamongurl22.deviantart.com/…

I've notices something, everything seems a lil bit better when I get some ink done. It's like therapy through ink, wellness through pain, happiness from my skin getting color. I've had other "therapy's" but none have seemed to work out quite as well as getting some new ink. That's probably a bad thing, I think I'm a little insane or getting there. I feel like giving up on all my hopes and dreams. Well I can't really say I have any left, they just kinda left me behind. I feel so I don't know, hollow, empty, almost like I'm wasting the air I breath. The more I think about where I want my life to be, the more lost I feel. Because I have no idea where I want it to be. I used to think if I could just find some happiness everything would work it's self out. Well I can't seem to find any. Don't get me wrong I find happiness with my kids, but it's not enough any more. I just want thoroughly down to my very core happiness. And I don't' know how to achieve it. I don't know where to start, I don't know where to look. I've tried to make a list of what I want to accomplish before I go, and the #1 thing is always happiness. I know I can't find happiness with a guy, cuz lets face it I can't pick out a decent one to save my life, so strike, there out. I can't find happiness through my photography, some thing always gets screwed up or in the way of that, so I might as well just hang up my camera. I can't find happiness through my writing, cuz it's all dark and depressing, stuff no one would ever want to read. I can't find happiness through friends, cuz well lately people annoy me too much. So it takes me to the only bliss I can seem to find any more.....and that's through ink. I was suppose to get some more today but of course that got screwed the hell up. Oh well there's always my appointment in November. I have no choice but to hang on that long.
any way I hope no one took the time to read this cuz well it's fawking depressing as hell.
I hope all is well in your corners of the world
laters
~JoAnn



The Photographers Rights as by Krages www.krages.com/phoright.htm
American Museum of Photography  www.photographymuseum.com

The world belongs to the daring ~ Anonymous~
A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults ~ Charles Kingsley

The Other Sides
~The Photos ~
~The Dark Side ~

Clubs I'm apart of~
,,,,,, , ,,, , , ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,patient no. 087 ,,,  

My Poetry & Prose ~ List of them on DA  
cinnamongurl22.deviantart.com/…

Blue October ~ Hate Me
I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

I'm sober now for 3 whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes crying and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling "make it go away!"
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you



The Photographers Rights as by Krages www.krages.com/phoright.htm
American Museum of Photography  www.photographymuseum.com

The world belongs to the daring ~ Anonymous~
A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults ~ Charles Kingsley

The Other Side
~The Photos ~
~The Dark Side ~

Clubs I'm apart of~
,,,,,, , ,,, , , ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,patient no. 087 ,,,  

My Poetry & Prose ~ List of them on DA  
cinnamongurl22.deviantart.com/…

OK so I'm going through some weird shit for the past little while. I'll admit it, it's like my past is coming back to make me realize things I didn't realize when the shit happened. I haven't slept good in so long and I've been sick for almost a week. But I think I'm finally starting to realize some things. Saying goodbye for good to ghosts of the past, they taught me the lessons I needed to learn. And hopefully I really learned what I needed to learn this time.
I'm at a really weird point in my life, I feel kinda stalled out. I'm not sure which direction to go in next. My art has suffered cuz lets face it I haven't done anything with it for too long. My photography has suffered cuz that killer edge I needed to be the best, well I don't know where it's gone, I'm trying to find it. And my writing it's went away for far too long. I want to start writing again and maybe just maybe the rest will fall into place.
I hate to admit it but I've fallen into a depression again and this time instead of trying to get out of it I've just wallowed in it. It seems like everything took a downward spiral when I didn't get the Qwest job. I know it's stupid to pin all my hopes on one stupid job but it would of been so good for me and my kids. I can reapply in December but that seems so far away. And I know I won't really have time for job interviews in Dec because Wally World is just too damn busy and yes unfortunately thats where I work. It's good because I got the job because I needed a job but it's bad because last time I worked there everything went to hell. It's like that cycle is repeating itself again!
I really miss my friends, I don't hear from hardly any one any more, that makes me so sad. Also makes me think that they were never really my friends if when the shit really hit the fan Again, they just up and vanish. Oh well never was one to keep to many people close.
This is getting really depressing so i'm going to stop writing. I hope this finds all of you
in good health and spirts.
much love to my friends
~JoAnn~
Aka
Starry-Eyez-Photos



Fragile Dreams- Anathema
Tonight your soul sleeps, but one day you will feel real pain,
maybe then you will see me as I am,
A fragile wreck on a storm of emotion"

Countless times I trusted you,
I let you back in,
Knowing... Yearning... you know
I should have run... but I stayed

Maybe I always knew,
My fragile dreams would be broken for you.

Today I introduced myself,
To my own feelings,
In silent agony, after all these years,
They spoke to me... after all these years

Maybe I always knew...



The Photographers Rights as by Krages</U> www.krages.com/phoright.htm
American Museum of Photography  www.photographymuseum.com

The world belongs to the daring ~ Anonymous~
A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults ~ Charles Kingsley

The Other Side
~The Photos ~
~The Dark Side ~

Clubs I'm apart of~
,,,,,, , ,,, , , ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,patient no. 087 ,,,  

My Poetry & Prose ~ List of them on DA  
cinnamongurl22.deviantart.com/…