Now I know

Now I know</b>
What you stole from me can never be replaced
I doubt you even care I doubt I ever cross your mind
Seems so unfair when never far from mine
Your words sounded so sweet & sincere
I took in every one hook, line & sinker
I believe you when you said you cared
I believed you when you said you'd never hurt me
I believed you when you said you loved me
I even believed you when you said you'd never hurt me again
But never sure did come fast, & the pain rushed back
White shards of lights was all I saw
As my head hit the floor
The rest is a bit hazy as my eyes roll back in my head
I awake to find myself battered & bruised
All alone in that cold empty room
You were no where in sight
You were no where to be found
Soon the guilt kicked in followed quickly by shame
Self loathing wasn't far from the surface
As I questioned myself over & over
How could I let this happen?
What did I do to make you mad?
As I questioned myself; Why wasn't I good enough?
You fled farther and farther away
You never were one to deal with the aftermath of the destruction you caused
I still hear your voice echo in my head
See what you made me do? See how you made me hurt you?
Why can't you just learn so I wouldn't have to do this?
You left me with blame, You left me broken
You left me fragile & barely hanging on
For years I believed your act of rage was my fault
For years I believed if I could of just been better
If I could of just pleased you more
I never would felt the sting of the back of your hand.
For years I believed you weren't to blame
For years I didn't believe you robbed me of happiness & joy
For years I was your scape goat
But now I'm finally able to stand my ground
I'm able to see I never did anything wrong
I am able to see the monster you were
I am to finally see what you took from me
Now I know I nothing I could of ever did would of made a difference
Now I know you never loved me, you never cared,
You never felt anything for me but rage
Now I know what  you stole from me
Now I know how to rebuild myself
Now I know who I am
Now I know what you were
Now I know  Now I know
~Cinn 12/22/09